Blast From the Past...

What I wouldn’t give for a 6pack of miller high life, and a couple big ass cigars. Pure, unfiltered, tobacco for my smoking pleasure. I think that, along with the beer would make me feel a hellova lot better. I don’t usually smoke, but man I want a cigar so bad right now. I’ve not drank in WAY TOO LONG and REALLY need something to drink as well. This freaking pop isn’t cutting it anymore. I need something that makes you feel good, not worse, after you drink it. Anyways... that is enough of my bitching about what I want and don’t have. I’ve come to yet ANOTHER conclusion today guys. I’ve realized that I am wasting my life away in this valley. Granted I love it but I’m definitely wasting my life away here. That is for certain. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about career choices recently. One of these days I need a career and since I still have no idea what I want to do and I’ve dropped out of college 3 times... I figure I better keep thinking about it till I figure it out. I guess it’s only human nature to never be satisfied... but I take it to extremes. I always find a reason/excuse that I don’t want to be in the career field that I’m in. I refuse to be unhappy through life and as long as you are making it through and being happy... I guess that all that really matters in the end.

I’ve also realized that I want to start dating again. I sort of avoided the whole dating scene in the past because of stuff that had happened with a previous relationship... but I’m learning that you don’t get anywhere in life by waiting around... you have to take what you want in life.. You have to chase it.. You have to go after it... you just can’t sit around and expect it to come to you. I was stupid and avoided getting to know some of my female friends, and I probably missed out on whatever would have been there because of it. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe I was just scared of what could happen, if it ended up badly, or if i lost them as a friend if something went bad, or maybe I was afraid of actually falling for one of them... but none the less, it all comes back to me and "I was scared" life is too short to be scared. So from now on, I’m done playing it safe. I’ve never done anything the "safe" way. I’ve always lived one step from the edge. Why would this be any different? I refuse to tip-toe through life to arrive safely at death's door. That is what I’m going by now. Whatever happens….happens. But whatever it is... I’m giving 110% effort. If this makes sense... great!.. If not... just go with it... it was just some stuff I needed to get off my chest. Anyways.. I gotta jet. Take it easy. Btw- if your just creeping through life because your scared of what "could" happen, you my friend, are not living life, you’re merely existing. I challenge anyone who reads this to start living life and stop just existing. I know that’s my plan and I don’t intend to look back.
Brandon.