Blast From the Past...

Yet another life lesson... November 08, 2007
I used to think it would be cool to sit and watch life happen around you without really having to do anything just to see what all the fuss is really about. It has occurred to me that this concept is precisely what I’ve been doing for some time now. Ever since I quit trying in school *2004* I’ve been bouncing from one meaningless job to the other, got a chance at what I thought would be the greatest thing on the planet *Ormet* and come to find out it was my own personal hell with no glimpse of hope in sight. What I’m getting at is this... I have sat back and watched people do their thing; I’ve watched all my friends do their own thing. I’ve watched Chris become his own person and who he wants to be. I’ve watched Ellis go through school and now he has job interviews lined up for his major. I’ve watched my sisters friends leave and go off to school and I guess I’ve done what I initially wanted to do. I watched. I stood by on the sidelines and watched life happen right before my eyes but never realized it till now. In a way I’m happy I did. I’ve realized that nothing I could have ever done or ever will do is going to keep the group together… that change is inevitable. It’s going to happen whether we like it or not and the only thing that matters is how soon we can accept it and how well we can adapt to it. That is the only thing that really matters... it’s no longer a question of if it will happen but more of a "when will it stop or slow down?" I was just looking through the wvncc class schedule and noticed some of the teachers that I had aren’t even there anymore… because life goes on everywhere, not just in our own lives but constantly changing everything in the world that we live in. Obviously common sense here, but actually take time to sit down, think back, reflect, and look around and see just how much has changed around you and what is still changing. I guess I never wanted to go on with school and commitment like my friends did because I was scared I would wake up one day and everything I had ever known would have changed. I thought that if I stayed the same as I had always been that life would somehow pass me by and not change my world. As it turns out, that is not how things work haha. Life happens, change happens, and time never stops. In a way though, I’m happy I sat and watched life for the last couple years, it has made me realize what is important in life and what isn’t. It has turned me into a different person than I once was. I’m no longer as immature, high strung, or bullheaded as I once was. This is a good thing. I still have friends that have never left the high school era in mindset.... I didn’t want to be like that. If nothing else, watching everyone else has given me a new respect for life and a new desire to make something of my own. Now that I have come to accept the fact that the only people that are always there for you in life are your family, mostly due to the fact that you are forced to live with them. I guess I go back to a statement I made years ago, it holds more truth now than I ever realized it did then... that if you have a family you like, and a couple really close friends in your life, you have more than your fair share. This might all sound stupid to some of you, or maybe even all of you. Never take for granted the stuff around you, it won’t be there forever... like everything, time will eventually take it away from you..... Live, learn, love, laugh... never know how much time you have left; make the best of it however you can. Last thing I’ve learned and come to realize is that if you can learn to be happy with yourself everything else seems to be a lot easier to accomplish. If you’re not happy with whom you are, change it. Live life for yourself, accomplish your goals, your dreams, do what you want to do. Life doesn’t have a reset button, there are no redo’s in life, you get one shot, make the best of it. Notice I didnt say the most of it, but the best of it. Some of the most miserable people I know have made the most of their life. Some of the happiest people I know, made the best of it. Learn to distinguish the difference and work towards one or the other, rarely can you accomplish both.

November 28, 2007

It has come to my attention that most people are oblivious to most everything around them. It is not until they are engulfed, smothered, or shadowed by an issue for an extended period of time before they actually take the time out of their day to ponder the issue and the wide array of outcomes that it may have. Today in the Marietta Times there was an article about gamers and more specifically, online gamers. I guess it has just occurred to the editors and staff writers that online gaming poses a threat to people and might actually become an unhealthy addiction. They summed up the online gamers as people who, are you ready for this? Had a "Second Life" online and would more-less focus more on their secondary life than their primary. Or at least that is how their theory went. To this I have many things to say but will say only one thing for now. DUH! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU ALL BEEN IN THE PAST, SAY 5 YEARS?!?!

Gaming has been an addiction and a cause of the "second life" theory for at least the last 5 years if not longer. I only have to mention one game in response to this. Does nobody remember The Elder Scrolls 3 – Morrowind? It was one of the original modern day style RPG that allowed you to do most anything that you wanted inside the world. If you didn't like the world you could edit any piece of it to meet your expectations. Everything you did inside the game affected how something else would play out in the end of the game. The game could also be beaten several different ways, there was only one main story line but many ways to "succeed" in the playing of the game. Morrowind is not the only title that hooked gamers on a "second life". Thinking back even farther than Morrowind you have the original "Sims" game. Where you could literally start a new life in many different professions, you would have to make your "sim" stronger, smarter, and more charismatic in order to achieve common everyday goals such as reaching the top of your career ladder, making friends, building relationships, etc. This is just another prime example of an amazingly addictive RPG that resulted in the "second life" effect. Now it seems that most of the hype is being built on online games which lead to online communities and online social networks. I believe one of the terms they used was "an interactive "facebook" that is a game". Again I ask, where have you all been? Does nobody remember "The Matrix" online game? The entire game consisted of building a virtual reality around the members of the network inside the game. An alternative life inside the game where the only other characters were other players thus turning every action you make having a lifelike and "real world" consequence behind it. This type of stuff has been going on for the last 4 years at minimum, possibly longer. It is only now, in 2007 that people have concluded that they have nothing else to bitch about so they are focusing their attention and "concern" among what may be, the happiest group of individuals among any of us. Why would they be happier than the rest of us you ask? Well my uneducated reader the reason is simple. These types of games give people a, you guessed it, a second life. A second chance at something they may have previously failed at. Is it in any way going to win back a lost relationship or lost promotion? Not hardly. What is it going to do? That is as simple of a question to answer as it was for you to ask. They are literally enjoying their second life in a game that is notorious for inducing a "second life" feel upon the person playing the game. They are finally succeeding at something they may have previously lost at or maybe even accomplishing something that they have only dreamed about before and it wasn't until the false reality that they live in came along that they were actually capable of obtaining such a previously unobtainable goal. Maybe they are losers in the "real world" and "winners" in their world. They choose to live in a world more receptive to their thoughts and ideas. A world where there is no discrimination because of age, sex, religion, or ethnic background. Lets face it guys the "real world" is run by the rich and the beautiful. Don't believe that? Turn on "E Television" right now, watch it for, eh, 4 minutes or so and you will soon change your mind and see that I am indeed correct on the matter. The second life that these people live is more or less an escape route from the real world. Their newly found life is an outlet that destroys all boundaries of modern day society and replaces them with creativity and imagination. Now my thought is this, and it presents an issue far more devastating than the "They are lost in a false reality, we must save them" bullshit that I just talked about. Think of it this way. If this online secondary life craze ever catches on big enough that one game goes mainstream with free and limitless access to the public and does become a secondary life in a "facebook" or "myspace" form, who is to say the roles as to who is in charge doesn't change? If there was ever an online community game that went free to the public and offered unlimited access to anyone with a broadband speed connection and incorporated the kind of secondary life that any of the previous games mentioned did, how would someone overrun such a social network? You would have every geek and gamer already running the game and thus the electronically generated world before any of us "normal" people who live in the "real world" even knew about it. Now provided the old saying holds true about "safety in numbers" and "it's not what you know, it's who you know" how would anyone that is not a part of this online world ever accomplish anything in the real world? We would have all been left out of what could have been the greatest and biggest social network the world has seen yet. My entire point with all of this is simply, quit trying to eliminate the social networks created by the gamers and learn how to use it for your own benefit. In theory, a social network that large and comprehensive would be one of the greatest sources of information ever generated in one place. Seeing as how information sets it own price and is the most valuable thing on the planet, why don't you do the math and see how good this kind of gaming network would actually be. It would easily be bigger than "myspace" and "facebook" combined and eliminate the need for either one. That my good friends would be worth more than it's weight in gold. As Donald Trump said, "Since you're thinking anyways, why not think big?"

Reflection blog written April 06, 2008.

I’ve been reflecting on some stuff recently... not for very long, maybe a day or so, and some stuff has occurred to me. Hit me pretty hard too. I realized that people, in general, are completely full of shit. There are very few people left in life that can actually be counted on. People care more about a credit score than their name these days. Good honest people are a rare find these days. Good honest friends are even harder of a find. I have always been there for friends, I’ve never let any of my other friends run over any of the other ones, I’ve never been one to sit by and bitch about someone without them knowing it. Like everyone I’ve joked about people but never sat and had issues with someone and not tell them. Everyone that knows me knows where I stand with everyone. I’ve always lived by the "a good friend isn’t afraid to tell you when you are being a complete dumbass" rule. That states it’s better to tell the person what they need to hear vs. what they want to hear. Definitely never been one to sugarcoat anything. Blame most of that on my upbringing... something we never did.

People can’t handle the truth, they all live in their fake world surrounded by their fake friends who fill their minds full of fake ideas and information. The people who actually care enough to tell a person what is actually going on are usually the ones who are out casted for "being too harsh" or "being insensitive" when in retrospect they were the only people who actually tried to help the situation instead of fuel a metaphorical fire. The ignorance of most people keeps them blinded to what the truth really is; others know the truth but find it socially unacceptable to tell someone what that is. They would rather let them find out the hard way while they sit on the sidelines and wait for the crash to happen. Great friends right there... but go figure.

This is more or less just some of the stuff that hit me today, not in any specific order or anything, just some general conclusions I’ve come to realize. I’ve got a few new things people should always remember for a successful life....

1- Nobody, not even your friends, care enough about you to help you out if they can avoid it.

2- Very few people will ever tell you the truth, keep the ones who do near to you... they are life’s only reality checks

3- The only way most people know how to get ahead in life is to fuck everyone else in their way, seems the world isn’t big enough for more than a few people to have a prosperous life, there must be some people that are to be sacrificed.

4- You are in no way exempt from rule 3.

5- If you want something, go after it. Quit bitching about why you don’t have it, and go the fuck after it.

6- As bad as I hate to say this, don’t trust anyone... it will only fuck you in the long run.

7- Learn that most people are only interested in using you for personal gain.

8- Accept the fact that anyone who chooses vista willingly as their operating system of choice has to be retarded.

9- Anyone who dislikes Mac might as well be a caveman.

10- Whatever you do, put your heart into it... regardless of whether you sink or swim, pass or fail, do so with passion and a desire for what it was you did or tried to accomplish... don’t be mediocre... live all of life to the fullest and never look back. There is a reason it’s behind you......

“The power to determine action without restraint.”

Is that too much to ask? That is how the dictionary defines freedom. It doesn’t exist. You are forever bound by expectations of what other people think you should do or be doing. I am 20 yrs old. I still have no idea what I’m doing, where I’m going, all I know is where I’ve been, and where I don’t want to go. Recently I’ve been in the "where I don’t want to be" stage. I’m trapped, in a mindset that I can’t seem to shake. I feel as if I have to conform to what other people want me to be. For some reason they think I am a shitty person and that they will make me better, when in all reality the only thing they are doing is pissing me the fuck off and driving me farther away. One day I will snap and be gone... for good. I just keep coming within inches of that point and talking myself back down, because I don’t want to reach that point. Once I hit that point I know I’m gone for good, and life as I know it will change drastically. This is a last resort, but an option none the less. Why is happiness so hard to find? Why must it be something that you have to search for? Isn’t the point of life to actually LIVE LIFE and BE HAPPY? It is completely retarded the way we let others live our lives for us and I’m guilty as anyone at this moment. In the words of my uncle, "I am washing my hands clean of this" I will accept it no longer, I am changing who I am, to who I want to be and I’m doing it pronto. Back into mountain biking that’s for sure, I’m mixing up some gas for the bike tomorrow. I am going to get my life back. I am Brandon Krieg; I live life to the fullest.

In order to live a life like one wants... you must first have a few key characteristics. You must be dedicated, determined, strong willed, have the ability to follow direction, good judgment, and an awesome personality. I believe if you have those qualities you are bound for greatness. So far I am living the free agent concept on a small scale. I currently have more than enough cash to do w/e I want when I want, eat out at random, buy a case and split it with the guys... but I’m finding myself wanting more. Obviously it’s only human to never be satisfied, but I still want more. I guess no matter how I phrase it... I still have the desire to be wealthy... and will always want more. Even if I made it to that point, I’d want more. The more I think about it... I think there is something out there for me that I’ve just yet to discover. I’ve got this huge desire to see the world, and live a life worth writing about. I hate ordinary, I hate conventional. I love being the person that people are like, "oh man, you won’t believe what he did" I love being that guy. It’s not because I love the attention... I just love having fun... I love being the guy that people look to for a good time. Remember the raider? That was nothing more than a group toy. I had no need for that thing, or any use for it... But I bought it to go ridging in.. and we never really went.. but we did get a good day of fun or 2 out of it. Chris and I got the most use out of it when we just played around in the woods that one day lol. But the right away to the water tower was the greatest thing ever in the raider. Fun times man... Fun times.
Recently Matt has given me the idea that we should build rally cars.... I can see this being a bad idea.. but a ton of fun at the same time lol. It would nothing but gravel roads, after dark, flying low lol. If we wreck them, who cares, we have less than 1,000 bucks in each of them. Call it childish, call it retarded, call it redneck, I don’t care... it’s fun... not for a while yet, have to get other bills paid off first... but its next on the list, after the rocket of course. anyways... I’m tired, I’ve got a lot on my mind and I think I’m going to get off here. Take it easy guys.... Take time to reflect... it teaches you a lot about yourself. Brandon.

What I wouldn’t give for a 6pack of miller high life, and a couple big ass cigars. Pure, unfiltered, tobacco for my smoking pleasure. I think that, along with the beer would make me feel a hellova lot better. I don’t usually smoke, but man I want a cigar so bad right now. I’ve not drank in WAY TOO LONG and REALLY need something to drink as well. This freaking pop isn’t cutting it anymore. I need something that makes you feel good, not worse, after you drink it. Anyways... that is enough of my bitching about what I want and don’t have. I’ve come to yet ANOTHER conclusion today guys. I’ve realized that I am wasting my life away in this valley. Granted I love it but I’m definitely wasting my life away here. That is for certain. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about career choices recently. One of these days I need a career and since I still have no idea what I want to do and I’ve dropped out of college 3 times... I figure I better keep thinking about it till I figure it out. I guess it’s only human nature to never be satisfied... but I take it to extremes. I always find a reason/excuse that I don’t want to be in the career field that I’m in. I refuse to be unhappy through life and as long as you are making it through and being happy... I guess that all that really matters in the end.

I’ve also realized that I want to start dating again. I sort of avoided the whole dating scene in the past because of stuff that had happened with a previous relationship... but I’m learning that you don’t get anywhere in life by waiting around... you have to take what you want in life.. You have to chase it.. You have to go after it... you just can’t sit around and expect it to come to you. I was stupid and avoided getting to know some of my female friends, and I probably missed out on whatever would have been there because of it. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe I was just scared of what could happen, if it ended up badly, or if i lost them as a friend if something went bad, or maybe I was afraid of actually falling for one of them... but none the less, it all comes back to me and "I was scared" life is too short to be scared. So from now on, I’m done playing it safe. I’ve never done anything the "safe" way. I’ve always lived one step from the edge. Why would this be any different? I refuse to tip-toe through life to arrive safely at death's door. That is what I’m going by now. Whatever happens….happens. But whatever it is... I’m giving 110% effort. If this makes sense... great!.. If not... just go with it... it was just some stuff I needed to get off my chest. Anyways.. I gotta jet. Take it easy. Btw- if your just creeping through life because your scared of what "could" happen, you my friend, are not living life, you’re merely existing. I challenge anyone who reads this to start living life and stop just existing. I know that’s my plan and I don’t intend to look back.
Brandon.

6am, get up, take a shower, get dressed, grab a cup of coffee and head off to the office. Sit there and look at the big world outside passing you by as you slave away over a pile of paperwork. Punch out, head home to mow your yard before your neighbors complain about it being too tall and disgracing the neighborhood. Take a shower, grab supper, check your email and head to bed. Repeat in less than 8 hours. Sound like the American dream to you? Not me. I have fought this concept for quite some time. It's made raised a lot of controversy, made people ridicule me for it and ask me why I was "too good" for this type of life. I was told those who don't work, don't eat. Those who don't work hard don't ever get anything out of life. Those people couldn't be more wrong. I've watched some of my family and some of my friends slave their lives away just to support their families and/or the lifestyle they wanted. And I've watched people who make more money than they can spend be so miserable you would think their house is being repossessed. We are told that in order to have a "good life" we have to have a pile of money. Now why is money such an important factor in the "good life" model? Well, its simple, supposedly if you have money, you can afford to have a good life and take time to enjoy life. But one seldom does such a thing. I was never rich or poor growing up. I was simply "blessed" I had more money than someone my age knew what to do with most of the time. If I was running low, I always had a "backup" plan to get myself out of where I was at and get myself back into the game. Money was always important to me. I never wanted to work, I hated work, I to this day, hate the concept of work. I will never understand why someone would purposely go to a job in which they hate and stay there for eight hours or more. It makes about as much sense as renting a movie you hate every night and forcing yourself to watch it over and over. I associate work with hating life. Life isn't worth living if all you ever do is work. Don't think for a minute I am saying that you SHOULDN'T work, because that is NOT what I'm saying. However, I am saying that I dislike work and if I had the option I wouldn't partake in this action. But, back to the matter at hand, there is this theory that most people subscribe too and I never have. This theory is the "you must go to school to make something of yourself in order to have a happy life" theory. You know what I am talking about. Think. How many of your friends went off to college when the time came? How many of them hated it? How many of them hated their major but continued to go because they "had to" because they needed a good job to have a "good life?" When did living the "American dream" become such a complicated task? Where did this idea come from? Who was the first person that said, "I have to have a good job making six figures a year to have a good life" whoever said that, was an idiot. I can remember telling a good friend of mine that I wanted to be a UPS driver when I grew up. Mind you I was roughly 15 years old at the time so I had plenty of time to think about it. I did research on it and found out from a book I picked up at the library that UPS drivers made around $40,000 a year. I remember telling my good friend that and my good friend said "$40,000 a year is no money" that good friend was my granddad, one of the biggest inspirations in my life thus far. This man was his own success story. He was from a huge family, born poor, worked his ass off for anything and everything he ever owned. Was in everything coming and going trying to make an honest buck but never made it rich. He gave it his all and did manage to retire comfortably and enjoy the rest of his years. Working as long and hard as he did is something I have never been fond of doing. Working two jobs and barely having time to see your family or friends. Working 16 hours out of the day is something I'm not a fan of trying. In this day and age where everyone has to have a college degree just to get a job flipping burgers at a fast food joint, it almost seems like happiness is out of reach. At least for me it did. I was suicidal at one point; depression and anger were the only emotions I knew. I hated school and everything associated with it, I hated my job because it seemed like all I did was make money to pay bills and it went out quicker than it came in. I got myself in debt at a ripe old age of 19 and really had no direction at all. All I knew was that school and work was altering who I was. It was around this time that someone asked me what I wanted to do in life and I said "I want to be a free agent for the rest of my life", at the time I had no idea what that really meant. I was more less being a smartass to the person who asked me the question; little did I realize that the phrase I had just coined would have such an impact on my life. I began contemplating on just what a "free agent" was and what they actually did. To the best of my knowledge this is what I meant when I said that, I want to be able to do what I want, when I want. I want to be able to go where I want, when I want. If I want to go snowboarding in Colorado, I'm going to go. If I want to go trail riding in Utah, I am going to go. A free agent, is a concept more than an actual person. It's the ability to roam freely about the country, even the world as often as one wants. If this was a job, it would be the greatest job on earth. In the chapters ahead I will explain more about this ideology and how it effects you mentally, spiritually, and financially; and how all this affects who you are as a person. Make no mistake about it; your life will change once you become a free agent. It's not an easy concept to grasp, it's an even harder one to live, but the reward far outweighs the risk. The few that grasp this idea and make it their own are the happiest people on the planet. They are the ones that enjoy life and live it to the fullest. They don't take things too serious and don't let life get them down…. and that is what it’s all about. Life is too short to be anything but happy.